WhatEVER!!!

October 31st, 2014

Rooster-crowingScreaming down Seaford Road on my bike in the bucketing rain, i rocket round the tight horseshoe curve to Lagoon Road, crowing, WhatEVER!!!! WhatEVER!!! at the top of my lungs. With no one to hear me, not a single car, just grey fog, and rain. Rain, rain, and more rain. Aw hell, let it rain, bring it on—WhatEVER!!!

After weeks of wiffling and waffling and riding my edge, chewing on my arm, late last night I reached the point of whatEVER! An explosive release, into the big question mark. So I stay. So I go. So I have a lover, so I sleep alone. So I rise, I fall, I succeed, I fail. I take this job. I take that job. I take no jobs. Give it up. WhatEVER!!!

Not the whatever of the shoulder shrug, not the whatever of the sullen child, but the WHATEVER of surrender, head back, arms thrown wide. The roosters scream it, long before dawn. The sun is coming, the sun is coming! Will there be corn, will there be hens, will there be the soup pot, will there be rain? Who knows, who fucking cares?! The sun is coming, the sun is coming! WAKE UP! WhatEVER!!!

the binding of baskets and nets

October 23rd, 2014

49a9d142677e4_63192bRealize the fundamental point, free from the binding of nets and baskets.
Eihei Dogen Zenji, Recommending Zazen to All People

Just do it! called Nike, of glory and speed. With a flash of white shoes she runs into the night. Do i gotta? I plead, left to pout in the dust, do i gotta, do i haveta, for what reason and rhyme? The echo of her laugh on the wind as she flies. Just do it, just do it, just do it. Just do.

But oh the nets and the baskets, the boxes and bags. Where is my basket and what is my box? Definiton, limitation, punishment, reward. To catch and to hold and to carry and keep. Where is the reason and what is the point?

And what about fame then, and money, and love? If there’s nothing to grasp for and nothing to hold. Don’t ask what the point is. Just do it. Because. Of the basket of air and the net, full of holes.

On the radio

October 20th, 2014

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAMy home entertainment system is a little silver plastic box. It runs on two double-A’s and works best on its back with the antenna pointed south-west. I used to get 3 channels before the recent round of CBC budget cuts, but Radio 2 no longer broadcasts through the old-skool airwaves so now I get two channels: CBC Radio 1 Victoria, and Cortes Community Radio. I don’t have wi-fi so my home entertainment is always fresh, weird, and live.

Romina has officially resigned from the CBC, she says it drives her nuts. She has unplugged her radio and put it on the high shelf. She’s all podcast now. And I know CBC is often no better than the rest. The faux-news, the cute animal stories, the general dumbness makes my eyes roll up into my head. Read the rest of this entry »

Should i STAY or should i GO?

October 17th, 2014

sail awayShould i stay or should i go now, should i stay or should i go now…if i go there will be trouble … if i stay there will be double…so c’mon and let me know …  …  … should i STAY or should i GO?
– The Clash

STAY! like a well trained dog, I can hear the command. I stay, just long enough to suss out the situation. But then like a wild dog off i go—i run off the heel, fail to stay in step. Off i go again running after the next squirrel or car or thrown stick. I go, and there is always trouble—but always reward. There is the rush, the thrill of the chase, the wonder of new roads to run and strange new smells, sights and sounds. Read the rest of this entry »

Polygamy and the question of Bountiful

October 9th, 2014

5-10-16bountifulBountiful is in the news today. Again.

Bountiful is a ‘breakaway Mormon’ community near Creston, B.C. It has been an object of controversy and fascination for many years due to the tolerated practice of ‘polygamy’ under its leader,  Winston Blackmore. The whole thing has me totally stumped.

First, to get this perfectly clear: there is more going on at Bountiful than simply ‘polygamy’, and it’s not good. There are allegations of kidnapping, of smuggling yound women over the border as child brides, and of forced marriages. Read the rest of this entry »

Three great reads

October 5th, 2014

heliopolisI don’t know how long it has been since i dove into a fiction novel like a warm sunlit sea, looking forward all day to the moment of the dive, to hang weightless in a world of words. I had wondered if the internet had killed that pleasure in me but no, it is alive and strong, only needing the time and the space to thrive. This summer season I rediscovered novels. I read three great books, and I feel well nourished and grateful.

The first book is Howard Jacobsen’s The Finkler Question. I picked it up at the little self-serve book kiosk near the Whaletown ferry dock. “Man Booker Prize 2010 Winner”, puffed the jacket. There was a receipt  for 2 bucks from the Salvation Army store in Courtenay stuck into the book, on the back of which was scrawled A JUNK BOOK.  A difference of opinion. Well alright then. I accepted the challenge, put 75 cents in the cookie tin, and shoved the book into my pannier. Read the rest of this entry »

Bird party

October 4th, 2014

DSC06433 (1)robinThe robins started it all. I woke to mad fluttering and chirping, wingbeats too fast for my binoculars to find focus. The robins have stopped by on migration to fuel up on arbutus berries, their fat bellies perfectly color-matched to the orange fruits. Juncos and jays and flickers have joined the party. A pileated woodie creeps around the big fir tree. Kingfishers clatter through the air. The squirrels, irked to have pine-nut gathering interrupted, are doing pushups and shrieking hysterically. It is bird mayhem up here.

Photo by Benjamin Madison at http://victoriadailyphoto.blogspot.com/2013/10/arbutus-berries.html

Bliss is over-rated

September 18th, 2014

450_messy1_0805162When I don’t know where to start or what to do, I know exactly where to start and what I need to do.

I set my timer, sit my ass down, and go. Or really, I don’t go – I stop. What I am actually doing when i sit my ass down, is much less important than what I am not doing—which would otherwise be, letting my thoughts and emotions chase each other around my brain like a room full of enraged cats. Which would otherwise be: making a superhuman effort to ignore the pains in my body, the twist in my belly, the heaviness in my heart. Read the rest of this entry »


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