The road is full of forks
In spasms of indecision that sometimes feel debilitating, what i am trying to remember is that it doesn’t really matter which path i choose to take. That sounds negative but really it is liberating. I will act with the highest intuition and logic available to me in any situation. I will act in consideration of all the information available to me in the moment. But then, but then, but then…i will surely live in the repercussion of whatever i choose, and how i choose to meet that reality is what will really matter. What I perceive is more important than what i do, and what i perceive will ultimately, momentarily, determine what i do next.
So I catch myself out in my own bullshit, gnashing at the bit about my empty bed and my wage slave retail job, my lonely and miserable life. Yeah right. The truth is i am held in a strong fine web of support and i love the work that i do. i am becoming capable of loving whatever i do, even when it really sucks. i often feel like i am acting to my highest calling, whether organizing a party or shlepping boxes or selling bicycles, or sitting on my cushion, as the medium of practice. And then i spin around and i bite myself on the ass yet again – caught wishing for something else, at the very moment when, what else could possibly be so right? Ha! I’m such a goof.
And then i kind of giggle, and someone walks through the shop door, and i ask them if they are looking to buy a bike. And the journey begins again.
The truth is, as those irritating hippies are always saying: it’s all good. It really is, all good. I will love if i stay, and I will love if I go.