Here I am

I am here, I am here, I am here. Committed.

To the wind and the rain and the darkness, the stillness and the silence and the boredom and the fear.

To learning. To rest. To service. To biking the hilly unpaved roads. To knitting mushroom-dyed wool and drinking hot chai by the woodstove. To writing. To me.

I have been paralyzed by indecision for some weeks now, tormented by waffling and doubt. The options are so many – I swear, with freedom comes madness! And I want to slap myself in the head, knowing every option is nothing but good.

But I refuse to make a snap decision in order to release myself from the torture. A lesson learned at Arcosanti – to accept the challenge of being with uncertainty, and to muster patience to wait until the moment of certainty arrives.

And so finally, after weeks of waffling, the moment arrived and the decision made. I will stay here in my wee lakeside cabina until the new year. And then I will move forward to engage my heart’s desires: for creative partnership, practice, a teacher and a home.

But not now.

Today I walked through the forest and I said to the trees: I am here, I am here, I am here.

Here I am!

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