Life of Carmen, Uncategorized, Zen & Dharma

that is not my beautiful wife

And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack

And you may find yourself in another part of the world

And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile

And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful
And you may ask yourself-Well…How did I get here?
-Talking Heads, Once in a Lifetime

The path was delivered by my friend Frances Stober in 1991. The vehicle was that orange bike, that changed my body and my mind and opened up the possibility of freedom that landed me here.

I was living in Toronto. I had a university degree and a pretty decent job, making just enough money to cover my student loan payments. I had a boyfriend I could live with. Everything was just OK. I was going with the flow. Going with the undertow, letting the water hold me down.

Then one day I took the notion to move to Vancouver, to study Graphic Design. I wanted that so badly, it felt so right, so guided. And then the letter arrived in the mail saying that I had not been accepted into the program. My plans all collapsed in a smoldering heap. I was devastated. I said to Frances… what should I do?

She looked at me coolly from behind her black-framed glasses and she said, “just go”.

Just…go?!? Just go.

For the first time in my life, setting a dangerous precedent, I followed my gut, and I just went. I quit my job and said goodbye to my boyfriend. I took a Greyhound bus to Vancouver, and the orange bike arrived a week later, in a box by FedEx.

And the years go by, and the days go by. I still don’t know where i am going, but i have some clues as to how i got here and that seems more important. I can’t know what the future holds, but I’m not letting the water hold me down no more.

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