Mountains and molars sesshin

View-from-the-Lookout-at-SSRC-AfternoonI sat this sesshin with my best buddy, the angry Molar.

The Zen retreat was at a small Tibetan Buddhist center at the foot of Black Tusk, in the forest near Squamish. I got a ride up to the retreat with Kaye, an RN specializing in mental health care. She counselled me to take Ibuprofen at regular intervals, and if my face puffed up,  to get myself to the hospital pronto. She also divulged my job assignment for the sesshin: I was to be Ino. The Ino’s job is practice coordinator, aka, mother hen. My job was to care for everyone else’s pain.

If someone felt woozy and left the room I followed them out. If there was an empty cushion in the zendo, it was my assignment to track down its missing occupant. I made sure the sick ones had food and the sore ones got chairs. I woke up the nappers so they wouldn’t miss tea. I chased down almond milk and calamine lotion and extra blankets. I fussed and soothed and cared. I noticed that while I had the comfort of knowing that my particular pain was temporary, others’ was chronic. Vivid to me was the fact that this pain, that I was feeling, was pain—but it wasn’t mine. I was not it, and it did not belong to me.

And so hour after hour, sit after sit, I hung out with the howling Molar, trying my darnedest to observe it with kindness and curiosity. One day at lunch I chomped down on a bit of red pepper and my head rang out, like a brass gong hit by a hammer. Everything disappeared but the pain. I recovered, just in time to clack the wooden sticks to signal the next round of oryoki. On with the show.

Teacher Kate dropped a dharma talk about mountains and waters. She said that mountains walk, and people sit; mountains are created within us; the elements trade places; earth water fire and air, volcanoes and glaciers and bugs and grass … we are the mountain and the mountain is us, nothing existing alone. Meanwhile, Molar screamed bloody murder. My body feverish, limbs heavy and throbbing. Fire inside, fluids thickening, minerals mixing, breathing in, breathing out. Everything rushing to aid poor little Molar and its suffering root. My body the mountain, knows how to heal. In five elements I place trust: in earth, in water, in fire, in Ibuprofen, and in air.

On the third day the fever passed and my energy started to return.

Called to dokusan, I unzipped the mosquito door of Teacher Michael’s interview tent and stepped in. I prostrated to the buddha, took my seat on the cushion, and told Michael about the angry molar. His face creased sympathetically. Then, he cheerfully reminded me with typical Zen assurance, that this toothache is merely great practice for what is yet to come.

Molar and I bowed and stepped out of the tent, and took our mug of milky tea down to the lake. A glossy brown bear strode out of the woods and rambled down the beach. It stopped, raised its head, sniffed toward us. Then it turned, shrugged, and melted back into the mountain.

<photo: view from the lookout at Sea to Sky Retreat Center>

3 Responses to “Mountains and molars sesshin”

  1. Linda Says:

    Teacher Michael is a wise teacher. Any teacher worth his/her salt will never tell you what to do. That is what zazen is for, right? So, did you find out the meaning of the bear? He looked at you. He spoke to you. Silently gave you comfort. Beautiful story.

    “The primary meaning of the bear spirit animal is strength and confidence
    Standing against adversity; taking action and leadership
    The spirit of the the bear indicates it’s time for healing or using healing abilities to help self or others
    The bear medicine emphasizes the importance of solitude, quiet time, rest
    The spirit of the bear provides strong grounding forces”

    Take your lessons from everywhere. Sounds to me that you were right in the thick of it. Sounds like as though you were a bear.

    Just curious about the final outcome of Molar.

  2. carmen Says:

    Not so good, the Molar … it is beyond root canal and now in palliative care. Awaiting its final resting place on Mexican dental vacation.

  3. Tannis Says:

    Ibuprofen’s the bomb

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