Aging & Dying, Non Moms

Mine won’t be having any

generations_at_sunsetI was hanging out at the cafe with two longtime Island friends. Both about half a generation ahead of me in age. The g-word came up (grandkids!) and Kate immediately started in on the marvels of her latest grand-progeny. Denise, an accomplished qi-gong instructor and youthful, energetic force, shrugged. “Mine won’t be having any,” she said. Lynn stopped gushing and nodded, mmmmmm, like a balloon that the air had just gone out of. The expression on her face was entirely familiar to me—that same look of incomprehension and mild pity I’ve seen on the faces of women when I tell them I don’t, and won’t, have children. “Mine won’t have any, and I’m fine with it, either way,” said Denise, with a smile. And I thought, cheers to you! What an accomplishment. What a gift. A gift for yourself, a gift for your children. Without expectations your life is just perfect, and you will be happy, any way.

2 Comments on “Mine won’t be having any

  1. I haven’t yet had any female friend or even distant acquaintance respond in pity at all.

    I guess I don’t hang out with the women whose lives have been devoted to their kids an g-kids.. Good thing for them and for society.

    I’m not bereft nor sorry. I would be happy if any of my 7 nieces and nephews have a child. But I don’t see that happening for quite awhile.

    Life goes on, it surges onward and I’m going along with it.

  2. I think that the decision to have or not have children is a personal one. Denise’s comment, “…I’m happy with it, either way,” is the key to that entire discussion. I’m curious to know if Kate had a response on that.

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