Aging & Dying, Life of Carmen, Non Moms

Such wonder

If i was three years old i would laugh at the sound of laughter. I would ask for milk and have it handed to me in a spill-proof cup. I would discover the alphabet in a clothbound book. I would run full tilt, trip, fall flat out, cry, be comforted, get up, run and fall again. Such wonder.

If I was ten years old i would go to summer camp, meet soul sisters, share secrets. I would watch my mermaid shadow on the sandy lake bottom. I would collect tadpoles in a jar. I would be fed dinner and sent to sleep under a warm quilt. I would learn to take the subway downtown. I would flirt with danger. Such wonder.

If I was nineteen years old i would step out out of my parents’ home into fathomless potential. I would make love every day and three times a night. My skin would be taut and clear and my hair thick and red. I would have no pain in my body, no scars on my heart. I would experiment with everything. The world would be my oyster. Such wonder.

If I was thirty years old i would re-invent myself again. I would move across the country alone. I would go back to school, start a new career. I would wear bold, bright clothes. I would take new lovers, girl lovers, boy lovers. I would swim naked in the strange blue ocean. Such wonder.

If I was forty years old I would I would dance all night. I would take tangents and wild journeys. I would grow dreadlocks and cut them off. I would bask in my reflected images, at the peak of my fame. I would throw it all back to the wind. Such wonder.

If I was ninety-seven years old I would say oh, if I was forty-nine. I would ride my bike helmetless on warm summer nights. I would plan new adventures. I would keep my own apartment so perfectly mine. I would plant a little garden. I would eat what i liked. I would have crushes. Friends would knock on my door. My fingers would be supple. I would play ukulele. I would knit. My voice would be clear and strong. My limbs would work more-or-less fine. My eyes, with glasses, would see stars in the sky. I would blog on my computer. People would read my words. I would breathe in. I would breathe out. Without pain. Such wonder.

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