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Upaya Zen Center, Zen & Dharma

Everybody leaves

January 14, 2014March 27, 2014 | by carmen | 2 Comments on Everybody leaves

A resident left today without saying goodbye. She packed her bags and got on a train bound for California. Going home. This happens. We are a tight little group and it is shocking when someone leaves, whether we expect it or not. They leave a hole like a pulled tooth. But soon the gap heals …

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Upaya Zen Center, Zen & Dharma

Sewing my rakusu

December 29, 2013January 21, 2024 | by carmen | 11 Comments on Sewing my rakusu

I spread out the pieces of my rakusu, in readiness for dunking in the pot of black dye. A ragbag of precious bits gleaned from the patchwork of my life, these include: -A piece of denim from faux-bro Ki’s favourite jeans, veterans of many a forest rave we danced at together. -A scrap from my …

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Aging & Dying, Upaya Zen Center

No muss no fuss

December 16, 2013January 27, 2014 | by carmen | 2 Comments on No muss no fuss

Bzzzzzzzzzzzz…gone! Years of old memories, a tangled mass of chemically tormented dead cellulose, a dry pile of old me, fallen to the bathroom floor and carried out with the trash. My head, my body, my spirit feel lighter. Passing a mirror i catch the sun glowing through my backlit ears. What hair is left is …

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Upaya Zen Center, Zen & Dharma

Taking jukai

October 30, 2013January 8, 2014 | by carmen | 5 Comments on Taking jukai

I made a vow that I would return to the high desert. I made my promise to the scrubby hills and the adobe walls, to Roshi Joan, and to myself. Vows are not lightly made and this one is ripe to be honoured. I’m a little terrified, tremulous, and excited. Trying to simply be ready …

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Aging & Dying

Carmen goes dancing

October 28, 2013January 8, 2014 | by carmen | Leave a Comment on Carmen goes dancing

I went to my first rave in the mid-’90s and remembered that i can dance. That i had always danced, that dancing was in me, as it is in every toddler and each child in the womb. I realized that dancing had never left me, and never will. Even when i can no longer walk …

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