Category: Zen & Dharma

Aging & Dying, Life of Carmen, Uncategorized, Upaya Zen Center, Zen & Dharma

The lady in the chemo hat

I am the jikido (timekeeper) for evening zazen meditation. This duty involves sparking up the candles and incense in the zendo, guiding lost visitors to a cushion, and keeping the time. I strike the heavy, temperamental temple bell to begin the sessions and signal the breaks. At the end of zazen I chime the chubby …

Aging & Dying, Life of Carmen, Uncategorized, Upaya Zen Center, Zen & Dharma

Attachment is the enemy of intimacy

 Scrawled in a toilet stall with a black sharpie: “separation -> anxiety”.  That’s it—dukkha in a nutshell. Crave it, grab it, hold it tight and make it yours. Never let it go. But here’s the news: everybody leaves. Everybody dies. Everybody forgets, and everyone is forgotten. Time is fleeting and opportunity is lost. Opportunity isn’t …

Life of Carmen, Uncategorized, Upaya Zen Center, Zen & Dharma

Don’t follow me i’m lost too

The whole point of this exercise is that there is no point…I mutter this mantra to myself. And then I try not to try, to let that mutter gently dissolve into the empty chaos of my mind. I was having a pretty good zazen, all told. And then all hell broke loose. Maria Rinzan, Upaya’s …

Life of Carmen, Uncategorized, Upaya Zen Center, Zen & Dharma

Trainwreck in the zendo

I caused a minor trainwreck in the zendo yesterday during walking meditation. The vestments, the bows, the japanese lingo, the rhythms of gong and bell and clackers —all of this is new to me. I just follow along and when in doubt, gassho: bow. Bow to the plate, bow to the cushion, bow to the …