I am the jikido (timekeeper) for evening zazen meditation. This duty involves sparking up the candles and incense in the zendo, guiding lost visitors to a cushion, and keeping the time. I strike the heavy, temperamental temple bell to begin the sessions and signal the breaks. At the end of zazen I chime the chubby …
Category: Upaya Zen Center
Attachment is the enemy of intimacy
 Scrawled in a toilet stall with a black sharpie: “separation -> anxiety”. That’s it—dukkha in a nutshell. Crave it, grab it, hold it tight and make it yours. Never let it go. But here’s the news: everybody leaves. Everybody dies. Everybody forgets, and everyone is forgotten. Time is fleeting and opportunity is lost. Opportunity isn’t …
Don’t follow me i’m lost too
The whole point of this exercise is that there is no point…I mutter this mantra to myself. And then I try not to try, to let that mutter gently dissolve into the empty chaos of my mind. I was having a pretty good zazen, all told. And then all hell broke loose. Maria Rinzan, Upaya’s …
Mop dance
My first job when I got to Upaya was to mop the kitchen floor. I hated it. Dirty water would slosh onto my legs as i lugged the heavy wheeled bucket up and down the stairs, and I worried about straining my back carrying it. I was annoyed that I wasn’t supposed to pour the …
Give it a rest
Shinzen, the Mexican head monk and kitchen manager, sat down beside me in the shade as I ate my lunch of orzo and sweet beets. “The most important thing in life,” he said, “is to have fun. You need to enjoy your work and you need to enjoy your rest.” Yesterday and today were my …