At age 10 my early-blooming boobies made me a freak and a victim. I’ve spent my life hating them, hiding them, and fantasizing them pared away. So last week I got a message from my doctor in Vancouver. My routine mammogram showed some vague abnormality. The good folks at Upaya directed me to a benevolent …
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Don’t follow me i’m lost too
The whole point of this exercise is that there is no point…I mutter this mantra to myself. And then I try not to try, to let that mutter gently dissolve into the empty chaos of my mind. I was having a pretty good zazen, all told. And then all hell broke loose. Maria Rinzan, Upaya’s …
Mop dance
My first job when I got to Upaya was to mop the kitchen floor. I hated it. Dirty water would slosh onto my legs as i lugged the heavy wheeled bucket up and down the stairs, and I worried about straining my back carrying it. I was annoyed that I wasn’t supposed to pour the …
Give it a rest
Shinzen, the Mexican head monk and kitchen manager, sat down beside me in the shade as I ate my lunch of orzo and sweet beets. “The most important thing in life,” he said, “is to have fun. You need to enjoy your work and you need to enjoy your rest.” Yesterday and today were my …
Trainwreck in the zendo
I caused a minor trainwreck in the zendo yesterday during walking meditation. The vestments, the bows, the japanese lingo, the rhythms of gong and bell and clackers —all of this is new to me. I just follow along and when in doubt, gassho: bow. Bow to the plate, bow to the cushion, bow to the …